1 00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:05,045 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,476 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 3 00:00:22,798 --> 00:00:25,223 Hey, hey, hey. What you think you're doing? 4 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,142 Getting some coffee. BERNIE: No, no, no, no, no. 5 00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:28,318 You're too young to drink coffee. 6 00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:29,778 Put that down. VANESSA: Fine. 7 00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:31,772 There's a coffee stand at school. 8 00:00:31,848 --> 00:00:32,781 (PHONE RINGING) 9 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:35,901 Hold that thought. 10 00:00:35,977 --> 00:00:37,661 (PHONE BEEPS) Hello? 11 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,863 WALKER (OVER PHONE): Uh, yes. Hello. This is Principal Walker 12 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,782 calling from Chicago. 13 00:00:41,858 --> 00:00:44,367 Principal Walker. WALKER (OVER PHONE): Yes, that's right. 14 00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,995 Hey, man, how you doing? WALKER (OVER PHONE): Fine, is this Bernie? 15 00:00:47,072 --> 00:00:49,005 Yeah, this is Bernie Mac. 16 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,415 WALKER (OVER PHONE): (LAUGHS) Bernie, your old school wants to honor you. 17 00:00:50,492 --> 00:00:53,168 What? WALKER (OVER PHONE): With a statue. 18 00:00:53,179 --> 00:00:54,636 You got to be kidding. 19 00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:57,473 (LAUGHS) 20 00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:07,691 I mean, Principal, I mean, I just can't believe it. 21 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:10,143 WALKER (OVER PHONE): It's our honor. Thank you for calling, okay? 22 00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:11,695 Appreciate it. I do. 23 00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:13,814 Hey. Honey, 24 00:01:13,890 --> 00:01:15,031 please. Hmm? 25 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,900 Please, honey, I almost hurt myself. 26 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,569 Could you hang the picture up, honey? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 27 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:20,862 Today? Yes. 28 00:01:20,939 --> 00:01:22,030 Listen to me. 29 00:01:22,107 --> 00:01:23,707 That was the principal calling. 30 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:27,244 They think my work is an inspiration for the kids. 31 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,830 They want to honor me in Chicago. 32 00:01:29,906 --> 00:01:31,289 Ain't that something? 33 00:01:31,366 --> 00:01:33,708 What? That's wonderful. I'm happy for you. 34 00:01:33,785 --> 00:01:35,310 What... When is it? 35 00:01:35,221 --> 00:01:37,295 They said someone's gonna call with all the details, 36 00:01:37,372 --> 00:01:38,588 but dig this. Hmm? 37 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,882 They want to make a statue of me, 38 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,009 place it where I used to cut class 39 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,678 and tell all my jokes and stuff. 40 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,429 Okay, guys. What do you think about that? 41 00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:48,232 Your uncle's being honored in Chicago? 42 00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:50,100 Do we get to go and miss school? 43 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,143 Nope. 44 00:01:51,219 --> 00:01:52,310 Some big whoop. 45 00:01:52,387 --> 00:01:54,437 It is a big whoop, America. 46 00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:57,482 I used to love to make people laugh in high school, 47 00:01:57,559 --> 00:02:00,318 but back then, they give you detention. 48 00:02:00,395 --> 00:02:03,029 Now they giving me, the Mac Man, 49 00:02:03,106 --> 00:02:06,241 Bernie Mac, a statue? 50 00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:09,452 I don't do what I do for recognition, America, 51 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:12,714 but when you do things and you don't expect nothing from it, 52 00:02:14,093 --> 00:02:16,135 I have to truly say, America, 53 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:18,720 it sure is nice. 54 00:02:19,915 --> 00:02:22,307 It's real nice. 55 00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,635 Thanks for having me tonight. 56 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,304 Tonight. Hey, honey. 57 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,181 Hey, baby. How's the speech coming? 58 00:02:29,257 --> 00:02:31,474 I don't know. I'm a little nervous, man. 59 00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:34,019 I haven't performed in front of kids in a long time. 60 00:02:34,095 --> 00:02:37,480 Aww, you'll be fine, honey. Mwah. 61 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:39,357 Hey, you know what? I forgot to tell you at dinner. What? 62 00:02:39,434 --> 00:02:41,902 Your school called and I got all the info for your trip. 63 00:02:41,978 --> 00:02:44,029 You're kidding. Nope. 64 00:02:44,105 --> 00:02:45,822 So all I got to do is book a flight? 65 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,783 Did it. Bam. 66 00:02:47,859 --> 00:02:48,491 You gotta be kidding. Here's your itinerary. 67 00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:49,877 You leave next Thursday. 68 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,670 Uh-oh. 69 00:02:52,581 --> 00:02:54,998 What? Mmm, 4A. 70 00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,141 Yeah. 71 00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:58,084 That's a window. Yeah. 72 00:02:58,161 --> 00:02:59,544 I really don't do windows. 73 00:02:59,621 --> 00:03:00,879 I do aisles. 74 00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:02,306 Hate the clouds. 75 00:03:03,175 --> 00:03:04,883 It's no big deal. 76 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,218 Well... I'll change it. 77 00:03:06,294 --> 00:03:08,261 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 78 00:03:08,338 --> 00:03:09,479 BERNIE: Ahh. 79 00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,816 You're gonna be clean, there, brother. 80 00:03:13,644 --> 00:03:14,943 Here you go. 81 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,978 I brought you the big one in case you want to stay 82 00:03:17,055 --> 00:03:19,731 a couple of extra days or weeks. 83 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:20,741 (LAUGHS) 84 00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:23,109 You're something else. 85 00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:24,861 Hey. Hey, baby. 86 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,905 Oh, Wanda. 87 00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:29,750 I was afraid you might not be able to get off early. 88 00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:33,703 You picked up my dry cleaning. Thank you. 89 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:34,713 Ta-dah. 90 00:03:36,166 --> 00:03:38,166 Wait a minute. 91 00:03:38,243 --> 00:03:39,343 This is not my red suit. 92 00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:41,711 This is my cranberry-red suit. 93 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,964 Honey, this is your very sharp suit, okay? 94 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:45,215 No, it's not. 95 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,100 Honey, it is. 96 00:03:47,177 --> 00:03:48,551 All you have to do is put a cream-colored shirt with it, honey, 97 00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:50,929 and you'll look fantastic. 98 00:03:51,006 --> 00:03:52,222 Here. 99 00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,974 I got you a neck pillow. 100 00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:56,726 (PHONE RINGING) You remember. 101 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,062 The crook in my neck. (PHONE RINGING) 102 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,064 I liked the other one better. 103 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,315 Anyway... (GRUNTS) 104 00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:03,367 ...this is top notch. 105 00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:04,660 Stop playing. BRYANA: Uncle Bernie! 106 00:04:04,736 --> 00:04:05,810 Go ahead. I'll pack. Stop hollering! 107 00:04:05,888 --> 00:04:07,788 BRYANA: Uncle Bernie! Stop hollering! 108 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:09,998 (SIGHS) 109 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,834 (PHONE BEEPS) 110 00:04:12,911 --> 00:04:15,620 Hello, this is Bernie Mac. WALKER (OVER PHONE): Bernie, you still in L.A.? 111 00:04:15,697 --> 00:04:17,414 Yeah, yeah. WALKER (OVER PHONE): What? (YELLING) 112 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,115 Oh, ho, ho. Calm down. 113 00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:21,418 Chill-ax. WALKER (OVER PHONE): The ceremony was today! 114 00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:23,478 What do you mean "today"? WALKER (OVER PHONE): Today! 115 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:26,089 The kids were all excited, but of course you didn't bother to show up. 116 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,841 No, no, no, no, no. WALKER (OVER PHONE): (YELLING) 117 00:04:27,917 --> 00:04:29,634 Whoa, oh-ho. 118 00:04:29,711 --> 00:04:31,636 Tell me this is the Bernie Mac you remember? 119 00:04:31,713 --> 00:04:32,996 WALKER (OVER PHONE): That's what I said. 120 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,597 Apparently school still means nothing to you. 121 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,850 Principal Walker, let me do this. 122 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,668 Let me sort this out, 123 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:40,812 and I'll call you right back. WALKER (OVER PHONE): Fine. 124 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,981 Okay, I promise. WALKER (OVER PHONE): Fine. 125 00:04:43,058 --> 00:04:43,991 All right, thank you. 126 00:04:44,776 --> 00:04:45,742 (PHONE BEEPS) 127 00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:48,453 Honey, what's wrong? 128 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,748 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 129 00:04:53,109 --> 00:04:54,993 The ceremony is today. 130 00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:57,871 No, I specifically remember booking your flight 131 00:04:57,947 --> 00:05:01,049 the day before my conference, which is tomorrow. Oh! 132 00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:02,843 Oh, my God. 133 00:05:04,379 --> 00:05:05,670 Oh, honey. 134 00:05:05,747 --> 00:05:09,424 I must have put both dates in my head, 135 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:12,093 and I booked your flight for the date of my conference. 136 00:05:12,170 --> 00:05:13,511 I'm sorry. 137 00:05:13,588 --> 00:05:16,023 BERNIE: Oh, Wanda, what am I gonna do now? 138 00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:18,233 Can they reschedule? 139 00:05:18,310 --> 00:05:20,185 BERNIE: No, they can't reschedule. 140 00:05:20,261 --> 00:05:22,187 They already revealed the statue. 141 00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:24,314 Probably got graffiti all on it. 142 00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,149 So you're not going? 143 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,942 Apparently not. 144 00:05:28,019 --> 00:05:29,536 (SIGHS) Great. 145 00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:34,416 Honey, I am so sorry. 146 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:38,545 Wanda, I just can't believe you got the date wrong. 147 00:05:38,997 --> 00:05:39,963 (GRUNTS) 148 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,050 It was a mistake. 149 00:05:44,369 --> 00:05:47,003 A big mistake, Wanda. 150 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,713 (SIGHS) Okay, you know what? 151 00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:51,216 I made an error. I'm sorry. 152 00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:53,760 I mean, between my job and corralling the kids, 153 00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:56,179 and making dinner and booking your flight 154 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,472 and picking up your suit 155 00:05:57,549 --> 00:05:59,232 and picking up a neck pillow for you, 156 00:05:59,309 --> 00:06:01,976 I made one mistake. 157 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,779 On the biggest part! 158 00:06:05,515 --> 00:06:06,740 You know what? 159 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,659 I don't work for you. 160 00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:12,862 I'm your wife, 161 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,457 and sweetheart, if you don't like the way I do things... 162 00:06:16,025 --> 00:06:17,084 hire an assistant. 163 00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:19,628 (SIGHS) 164 00:06:23,158 --> 00:06:24,091 (BRIGHT PING) 165 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:27,511 That's not a half-bad idea. 166 00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:32,090 Oh, I know Wanda said it to be snippy, but why not? 167 00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:34,509 See, America, with an assistant, 168 00:06:34,586 --> 00:06:36,636 there's less for Wanda to do 169 00:06:36,713 --> 00:06:38,980 and therefore there's less for her to mess up. 170 00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:42,851 Win, win. 171 00:06:42,927 --> 00:06:45,186 Problem solved. 172 00:06:45,263 --> 00:06:46,696 Everybody's happy. 173 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:51,410 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 174 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,987 Oh, you must be America. 175 00:06:54,063 --> 00:06:55,238 Hi, I'm Dosha, 176 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,990 Mr. Mac's personal assistant. 177 00:06:57,066 --> 00:06:58,199 Mr. Mac is expecting you. 178 00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,626 You just follow me, please. 179 00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:05,465 Can I get you anything? 180 00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:06,916 Water? 181 00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,510 No? Okay. 182 00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,430 Well, here we are. 183 00:07:14,542 --> 00:07:16,518 Mr. Mac, your 3:00 is here. 184 00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:20,013 BERNIE: I'm not here. (SIGHS) 185 00:07:20,089 --> 00:07:21,606 Mr. Mac, it's America. 186 00:07:22,383 --> 00:07:24,100 BERNIE: Oh, America. 187 00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,610 Send them right in. (CHUCKLES) 188 00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:27,404 After you. 189 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:29,781 BERNIE: Hey. 190 00:07:30,808 --> 00:07:31,741 How you doing? 191 00:07:33,228 --> 00:07:34,953 (DOOR SHUTS) Hey, America, 192 00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:36,872 look at that. 193 00:07:37,482 --> 00:07:39,040 Isn't she fantastic? 194 00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:42,452 My own personal assistant. 195 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,330 Now, I know what some of you all are thinking. 196 00:07:45,406 --> 00:07:47,248 Bernie Mac with his own personal assistant, 197 00:07:47,325 --> 00:07:48,467 he's gone Hollywood. 198 00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:50,585 That's not so, 199 00:07:50,662 --> 00:07:53,296 and just because I'm my own man, 200 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,006 I'm self made, 201 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,549 don't... (KNOCKS ON DOOR) 202 00:07:56,626 --> 00:07:59,019 ...don't think I can't make my own cappuccino. 203 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,981 Thank you. You're welcome. 204 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,318 (SIGHS) Look at that, America. 205 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,904 Oh, smell the cocoa. 206 00:08:10,014 --> 00:08:10,947 Mmm. 207 00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:13,008 And the foam. 208 00:08:13,084 --> 00:08:14,868 That's what turns me on. Mm-hmm. 209 00:08:19,148 --> 00:08:20,365 It's kind of cold. 210 00:08:20,441 --> 00:08:21,833 Would you like me to warm it up? 211 00:08:22,443 --> 00:08:23,743 Yes, would you? 212 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:24,753 I'm so sorry. 213 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,882 ...this meeting on Monday. 214 00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:31,334 BERNIE: Tuesday. That's when I trap shoot, and everything. 215 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,002 Oh, hey, honey. 216 00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,587 Hey, baby. Hi, I'm sorry. 217 00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:36,765 I didn't know we had company. Mwah. 218 00:08:36,841 --> 00:08:38,675 I'm sorry, that's a little early for Mr. Mac. 219 00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:40,260 Oh. Can we try a lunch meeting? 220 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,478 Sure. I'll hold. 221 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:44,614 Who's that? 222 00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:46,266 Her name is Dosha. Oh. 223 00:08:46,342 --> 00:08:48,017 She's my new assistant. 224 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,569 You have a new assistant? 225 00:08:50,555 --> 00:08:52,522 Yeah. You're the one who recommended it. 226 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,691 Yeah, I did recommend it, 227 00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:58,662 but obviously you didn't really understand what I meant. 228 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:00,163 Excuse me, Mr. Mac. Yes. 229 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,681 You're confirmed for lunch 230 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:04,117 with Mr. Hudland tomorrow, 1:00 at the Ivy. All right. 231 00:09:04,193 --> 00:09:05,660 I'm so sorry. I'm Dosha. 232 00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:08,338 Hi. I'm Wanda. Wanda Mac, April 26. Yes. 233 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:09,706 Hey, that's her birthday. 234 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,508 Mm-hmm. She even got that down. 235 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,585 Well... So you know I'll never forget it now. 236 00:09:13,661 --> 00:09:15,378 It's on every calendar in the house. 237 00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,721 Yeah. Yeah. 238 00:09:17,498 --> 00:09:18,640 (KEYBOARD BEEPING) 239 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,219 Hi. Dosha, right? 240 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:26,055 Yeah. Jordan, December 2nd. 241 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,224 Hey, you're good. 242 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:31,686 Wow. Uncle Bernie sure knows a lot of famous people. 243 00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:35,156 I didn't know Sean Wayans had brothers. (CHUCKLES) 244 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,326 Who's Paul Levesque? 245 00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:39,995 Oh, you know him, that's Triple H. 246 00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:42,488 You mean the wrestler? 247 00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:45,491 Uncle Bernie knows Triple H? Guess so. 248 00:09:45,568 --> 00:09:47,869 Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some inputting to do. 249 00:09:47,945 --> 00:09:49,495 Huh? Oh, sure. 250 00:09:49,572 --> 00:09:51,715 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 251 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,467 (KEYBOARD BEEPING) 252 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,099 (PHONE BEEPING) 253 00:10:03,795 --> 00:10:07,430 (PHONE RINGS AND BEEPS) Hello? 254 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,641 Is this Triple H? Wrong number. 255 00:10:09,717 --> 00:10:12,101 JORDAN (OVER PHONE): Okay, I know it's you, Paul. 256 00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,103 Just say it one time and I'll leave you alone. 257 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,648 Say what? You know. 258 00:10:16,724 --> 00:10:20,276 "I am the game and I am that damn good." 259 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,361 I'm hanging up. 260 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,196 I'll just keep calling. 261 00:10:23,272 --> 00:10:24,906 All right, one time, all right? 262 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,200 But you never call here again you got that? 263 00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:28,576 I promise. 264 00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:30,754 I am the game, and I'm that damn good. 265 00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,622 No, say it like you mean it. 266 00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:33,757 Say it like you're gonna pedigree 267 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,467 Stone Cold Steve Austin. 268 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:40,213 I am the game and I'm that damn good! 269 00:10:40,289 --> 00:10:42,474 Cool. Talk to you tomorrow. Bye. 270 00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:43,808 Hey, wait! 271 00:10:44,627 --> 00:10:45,769 (PHONE BEEPS) 272 00:10:47,171 --> 00:10:49,847 Oh! Good evening, Mrs. Mac. Oh, Dosha. 273 00:10:49,924 --> 00:10:51,891 I threw that frozen lasagna in the oven for dinner. 274 00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:53,610 Should be ready in about a half hour. 275 00:10:54,303 --> 00:10:55,428 That's for tomorrow night. 276 00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:57,355 I'm sorry. Mr. Mac said he was hungry 277 00:10:57,432 --> 00:10:58,648 and I was just trying to get dinner going. 278 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,108 Mm. It looked delicious. 279 00:11:00,184 --> 00:11:01,150 Was it your recipe? 280 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,160 Mm-hmm. 281 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:07,123 BERNIE: Oh, hey, I feel a little tired tonight. 282 00:11:08,118 --> 00:11:09,959 (MOAN) 283 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:12,253 Mmm. You smell nice. Is that new? Thank you. 284 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:14,172 Yeah, baby. 285 00:11:14,249 --> 00:11:15,289 Dosha bought it for me. 286 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,458 Isn't she amazing? Smell it. 287 00:11:17,535 --> 00:11:19,043 Yeah, I smelled you when you got in bed. 288 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:20,053 Mmm. 289 00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:23,005 (MOAN) (CLEARS THROAT) 290 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,015 What's wrong, baby? 291 00:11:26,169 --> 00:11:29,979 You know, I've been buying you lotion for 12 years. Uh-huh. 292 00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:32,982 And I don't remember you calling me amazing. 293 00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:36,352 Oh, Wanda. You know I love the way you buy me lotion. 294 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,437 Come on, now. (CLICKS TONGUE) 295 00:11:37,513 --> 00:11:39,698 No. You know what? I'm not playing. 296 00:11:41,225 --> 00:11:42,701 What you talking about? 297 00:11:43,352 --> 00:11:45,069 You know... (SIGHS) 298 00:11:45,146 --> 00:11:46,996 you make me feel like you don't appreciate 299 00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:50,450 all the little things that I do for you. Aw, stop it. I'm not, 300 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,836 I'm not going there with you. Not tonight. 301 00:11:53,488 --> 00:11:55,663 Come on, now, Wanda. 302 00:11:55,740 --> 00:11:58,717 I appreciate everything you do for me. 303 00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:00,376 I might not notice a lot, baby, 304 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:01,803 because they be so little. 305 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,055 I'm a big-picture man. 306 00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:06,099 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 307 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,719 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 308 00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:13,606 Hey, sweetheart, you forgot to set the alarm this morning. 309 00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:16,359 Oh, did I? Yeah, you did. 310 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,311 Made me miss my golf time 311 00:12:18,387 --> 00:12:19,863 at the Riviera this morning. 312 00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:22,949 You know it takes me months to set that tee time up. 313 00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:31,407 Doggone it. Who set the butter inside the refrigerator? 314 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,825 Oh, I guess I did that. 315 00:12:32,902 --> 00:12:35,495 Sweetheart, you know how much I hate that. 316 00:12:35,571 --> 00:12:38,164 It gets all hard and cold and everything. 317 00:12:38,241 --> 00:12:39,957 Then when I go to put it on the toast, 318 00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:41,926 it puts holes in the toast. 319 00:12:42,954 --> 00:12:44,411 Damn. 320 00:12:44,489 --> 00:12:47,673 You see what she's trying to do, America? Don't you? 321 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:50,009 She's trying to make me feel bad. 322 00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:53,387 Punish me by withholding her niceties. 323 00:12:53,464 --> 00:12:55,640 But what she can't see is, 324 00:12:55,716 --> 00:12:58,351 there's a hole in her plan, 325 00:12:58,427 --> 00:13:00,987 and I know how to fill it. 326 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,232 Oh, yeah. 327 00:13:04,308 --> 00:13:05,775 And I'll watch the kids for you, no problem. 328 00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:07,276 BERNIE: Dosha, I... you don't have to do that. 329 00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,362 It's okay, it's all right. I don't mind. 330 00:13:09,438 --> 00:13:11,280 Thank you. You're welcome. 331 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,582 WANDA: Afternoon, Dosha. 332 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,042 Hi, Mrs. Mac. 333 00:13:14,118 --> 00:13:15,084 Hi, baby. 334 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,086 Mm-hmm. 335 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,047 Excuse me, Dosha. 336 00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:24,594 Hey. 337 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,797 You know, I want to apologize to you, I really do. 338 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,090 For all the things you been doing. 339 00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:31,050 I know it had to be quite boring to you. 340 00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:33,636 Uh-uh, I never said it was boring. 341 00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,563 BERNIE: But it couldn't have been any fun. 342 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,607 You no longer have to do that. 343 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:40,610 Especially with Dosha here. Right, Dosha? 344 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,654 Sure, I guess so. 345 00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:45,598 Hmm. 346 00:13:45,675 --> 00:13:48,651 So I'm being replaced by your assistant? 347 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,328 No, no. Ain't no... 348 00:13:51,314 --> 00:13:52,454 ain't no such thing. 349 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,082 I ain't got no doggone assistant. 350 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,376 We have an assistant. 351 00:13:56,986 --> 00:13:57,894 "We"? 352 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,162 That should handle everything. 353 00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:03,499 Now that she doesn't have to take care of Mac Man, 354 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,835 Wanda have more time for herself. 355 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,296 And let me tell you something, America. 356 00:14:08,372 --> 00:14:09,714 This assistant thing 357 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,100 is real easy to get used to. 358 00:14:13,002 --> 00:14:14,468 DOSHA: Excuse me, America. 359 00:14:14,545 --> 00:14:15,645 Mr. Mac, here's your mail. 360 00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,605 Minus the junk mail, of course. 361 00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:18,898 Thank you. 362 00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:23,862 Ooh. 363 00:14:23,938 --> 00:14:26,564 You know what? Thank you for all of your help. 364 00:14:26,641 --> 00:14:28,366 It's what I do. All right. 365 00:14:29,193 --> 00:14:31,152 Dosha. 366 00:14:31,228 --> 00:14:34,906 You know I had a 4:00 appointment w-with Mama Kim? 367 00:14:34,982 --> 00:14:36,949 You told me... You told me 368 00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:38,784 that you were going to watch the kids. 369 00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,745 That lady cursed me out in Korean. 370 00:14:40,821 --> 00:14:44,173 Ooh. I'm sorry, but Mrs. Mac said it was okay 371 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,125 and asked me to help her run a few errands. 372 00:14:46,202 --> 00:14:48,511 Yeah, because she's our assistant. 373 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,930 No, she's more mine than she is yours. 374 00:14:51,874 --> 00:14:53,341 You know, maybe I should go check 375 00:14:53,417 --> 00:14:55,134 some e-mails or something. No, no, no. 376 00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:56,886 You don't need to go check on no e-mail. 377 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,787 You haven't done anything wrong. 378 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,765 You know, maybe you should go check on some e-mails, sweetie, 379 00:15:00,841 --> 00:15:02,025 and let me talk to my husband in private. 380 00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:03,517 You don't tell her where to go 381 00:15:03,594 --> 00:15:05,144 when I'm talking to her, Wanda. 382 00:15:05,221 --> 00:15:07,271 That's your problem. You interfere. 383 00:15:07,348 --> 00:15:08,773 Excuse me, hi, hey, you know what? This conversation 384 00:15:08,849 --> 00:15:11,567 is about to get heavy. Hey, hi, there. 385 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,903 This is starting to feel a lot like Nick Nolte's house 386 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,738 and I really don't need this. Here you go. 387 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:16,781 Thank you. How's this... 388 00:15:16,857 --> 00:15:18,115 (ALL TALKING AT ONCE) 389 00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:20,201 WANDA: Why are you talking to her like that... 390 00:15:20,277 --> 00:15:22,078 So, you quit? WANDA: ...if she's supposed to be your assistant? 391 00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:24,213 I ain't never had nobody quit on me. See? You know what? 392 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,341 America. 393 00:15:26,417 --> 00:15:28,376 Wanda did that on purpose. 394 00:15:28,452 --> 00:15:30,586 She knew my nails was raggedy. 395 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,079 What's her problem? 396 00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:34,674 I was nice enough to share my assistant with her. 397 00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:36,676 Try to make her life easier. 398 00:15:36,752 --> 00:15:38,678 Spiteful woman. 399 00:15:38,754 --> 00:15:40,805 I ought to get a new assistant 400 00:15:40,881 --> 00:15:42,774 just to deal with all her bull. 401 00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:47,654 (PHONE BEEPING) 402 00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:56,955 WANDA: Bernie? Hmm? 403 00:15:57,031 --> 00:15:58,581 It kills me every time I see this picture. 404 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,449 Could you please hang it up now? 405 00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:01,784 I can't do it now. 406 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,662 I'm texting Jerry about my concert dates. 407 00:16:04,739 --> 00:16:06,539 Okay, so when do you think you'll have time? 408 00:16:06,615 --> 00:16:09,583 I don't know. Ever since Dosha quit, 409 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,752 I've had to do things by myself. 410 00:16:11,829 --> 00:16:14,130 So, thanks to you, 411 00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:16,391 I'll get to it whenever I get to it. 412 00:16:17,418 --> 00:16:18,384 To what? 413 00:16:18,461 --> 00:16:20,052 Thanks to me, Dosha quit? 414 00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:21,887 It's not my fault. 415 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:25,057 And congratulations, your little plan worked. 416 00:16:25,134 --> 00:16:28,277 What plan? To punish me for having that assistant. 417 00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:30,563 Why do I bother? 418 00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:31,990 Yeah, why do I bother? 419 00:16:32,066 --> 00:16:34,242 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV) 420 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,121 (PHONE BEEPING) 421 00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:42,208 (PHONE RINGS) 422 00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:44,577 (PHONE BEEPS) 423 00:16:44,653 --> 00:16:45,628 Hello? 424 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,005 Hey, Trip, it's me. 425 00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:49,799 'Course it is. 426 00:16:50,418 --> 00:16:51,384 So what you doing? 427 00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:53,294 Nothing. 428 00:16:53,370 --> 00:16:54,503 What are you doing? 429 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,297 I built a ramp for my bike. 430 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,432 You should have seen it. 431 00:16:57,508 --> 00:16:59,633 I got some sweet air. 432 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,385 Oh, you should be careful with that. 433 00:17:01,462 --> 00:17:03,312 You might break your neck. 434 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,139 I'd like to do that myself. 435 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,308 You sound just like my uncle. 436 00:17:07,384 --> 00:17:08,893 Oh, yeah? Who's your uncle? 437 00:17:08,969 --> 00:17:11,112 Nuh-uh, I wasn't born yesterday. 438 00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:13,573 Oh, what a hit! 439 00:17:13,649 --> 00:17:14,732 What ya watching? 440 00:17:14,809 --> 00:17:17,026 Uh, Fox Sports, Channel 203. 441 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,444 Hold it, they're gonna replay it. 442 00:17:22,316 --> 00:17:24,575 TRIPLE H: Oh, that was a vicious hit. 443 00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:27,119 I know. He laid him out cold! 444 00:17:27,196 --> 00:17:28,171 (CLATTERING) 445 00:17:32,243 --> 00:17:35,344 (SIGHS) Doggone it, where is it? 446 00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:38,631 Ooh. 447 00:17:38,707 --> 00:17:41,258 You made a mess. BERNIE: It's my house. 448 00:17:41,335 --> 00:17:42,935 I can make a mess. 449 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,003 Oh, baby girl, 450 00:17:45,081 --> 00:17:46,931 do you know what Aunt Wanda did with my charger? 451 00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:49,567 No. Do you want me to ask her? No, no, no, no. 452 00:17:49,644 --> 00:17:52,394 I don't want you to ask her nothing. I'll do it myself. 453 00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:53,646 (THUDS) (WANDA SCREAMS) 454 00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:55,782 Bernie! What the hell is that? 455 00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:58,609 Wanda? 456 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:01,695 (WANDA MOANS) BERNIE: Hey, hey, hey, you all right? 457 00:18:01,772 --> 00:18:03,405 No, I was trying to hang the picture up 458 00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:04,957 and it fell on my foot. 459 00:18:05,034 --> 00:18:07,451 Why would you try to do that? I'd have done it for you. 460 00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:10,579 Ugh. BERNIE: No, no, no! D-don't try to move. 461 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,464 I'm gonna call the doctor. 462 00:18:12,542 --> 00:18:14,133 WANDA: Wouldn't it be easier if you just drove me to the emergency room? 463 00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:16,235 Hell, no. 464 00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:19,171 Ain't no second year intern gonna look at my wife's foot. 465 00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:21,632 I'm calling the Lakers' doctor who looked at, uh... 466 00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:22,883 at Shaq's toe. 467 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,135 You stay right there. 468 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,302 Don't move. 469 00:18:25,379 --> 00:18:26,345 (GROANING) 470 00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:29,807 So what age did you start growing? 471 00:18:29,884 --> 00:18:33,561 You do realize when I find out who you are, 472 00:18:33,637 --> 00:18:34,854 I'm gonna kill you. 473 00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,322 Yeah, but you won't find out. 474 00:18:37,558 --> 00:18:39,041 Hey, I'm on the phone. 475 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,318 Jordan, listen, I need you to hang up right away. 476 00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:42,862 Your Auntie, she hurt her ankle. 477 00:18:42,938 --> 00:18:44,738 I have to call the hospital. 478 00:18:44,815 --> 00:18:46,958 Bernie? Is that you? 479 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:48,300 Paul? 480 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,502 What you doing on the phone? 481 00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:51,328 (CHUCKLE) 482 00:18:51,405 --> 00:18:53,381 So that's how you got my number. 483 00:18:53,457 --> 00:18:54,841 Jordan... 484 00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,418 I'm gonna kill you. 485 00:18:57,494 --> 00:18:58,427 (PHONE BEEPS) 486 00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:01,881 BERNIE: How's this, baby? WANDA: Honey, 487 00:19:01,957 --> 00:19:03,641 please, don't move it again. 488 00:19:03,718 --> 00:19:04,892 I won't. 489 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:09,013 (SIGHS) Let me straighten you up a little bit, okay? 490 00:19:09,089 --> 00:19:11,891 Okay, take it easy. I am, sweetheart. 491 00:19:11,967 --> 00:19:13,317 Here, raise up, raise up. 492 00:19:14,511 --> 00:19:15,769 Ooh. Oh, I'm sorry. 493 00:19:15,846 --> 00:19:17,188 Okay, that's too high. 494 00:19:17,264 --> 00:19:19,064 Okay, now this is gonna have to do it 495 00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:20,867 until I go out and get you a better one. 496 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,526 It's fine. 497 00:19:22,603 --> 00:19:23,786 Anything else I can get you? 498 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,446 Are you cold? Need a blanket? 499 00:19:25,522 --> 00:19:26,906 (WANDA CHUCKLES) 500 00:19:26,982 --> 00:19:29,533 Honey, I just have a sprain, okay? Okay. 501 00:19:29,610 --> 00:19:32,587 You don't have to do all this because you feel guilty. 502 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,213 What? 503 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:39,201 You think I'm doing all this because I feel guilty? 504 00:19:42,957 --> 00:19:44,557 Wanda, let me tell you something. 505 00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:47,977 I'm doing this because you're my wife 506 00:19:48,763 --> 00:19:50,062 and I love you, 507 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:53,858 and I want you to be comfortable. 508 00:19:53,935 --> 00:19:56,694 That's the only reason why I'm doing it. 509 00:19:56,771 --> 00:19:58,771 Aww, honey, that's sweet. 510 00:19:58,847 --> 00:20:01,148 See, now that's all I was trying to say... 511 00:20:01,225 --> 00:20:02,733 that the things that I do for you, 512 00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:05,236 I do them because I love you. I know. 513 00:20:05,312 --> 00:20:08,280 Because you do nice things for people that you love. Yeah. 514 00:20:08,357 --> 00:20:11,784 That's all I was trying to get you to understand. I know. 515 00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:14,078 SINGER: ♪ So in love 516 00:20:14,154 --> 00:20:15,963 You know something else, Wanda? 517 00:20:16,991 --> 00:20:18,925 I feel like an ass. 518 00:20:20,795 --> 00:20:22,386 Aw, it's okay. 519 00:20:23,038 --> 00:20:25,214 But you stay right there. 520 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:28,050 You'll have to chill-ax, relax. 521 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,427 'Cause I've got dinner almost ready 522 00:20:30,504 --> 00:20:31,762 and I made your favorite. 523 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:32,939 What? Guess what? 524 00:20:33,674 --> 00:20:36,234 Cornish hen, wild rice. 525 00:20:36,310 --> 00:20:39,436 JORDAN: What are we gonna eat? 'Cause I am starvi... 526 00:20:39,513 --> 00:20:40,947 Hello, Jordan. 527 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,607 It's time to play the game. 528 00:20:43,684 --> 00:20:44,617 (WHIMPERS) 529 00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:46,443 (SNORTS) 530 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:47,453 (CHUCKLING) 531 00:20:52,443 --> 00:20:54,543 You see what she's trying to do! 532 00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,289 Don't you, America? 533 00:20:58,365 --> 00:21:00,582 She's trying to make me feel real bad, 534 00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:04,003 punish me, withholding her nice... 535 00:21:04,079 --> 00:21:05,972 (CHOKING AND COUGHING) 536 00:21:09,918 --> 00:21:11,060 (MUTTERING) 537 00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:13,604 (LAUGHTER) 538 00:21:17,885 --> 00:21:19,402 It went down the wrong pipe. 539 00:21:20,429 --> 00:21:21,487 Niceties.